Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium

I now understand why I have the memory of a flea. A quick check of toy commercials from the 1980s just activated vast stores of archived neurons totally devoted to remembering cheesy catch phrases.

"... the last time Bobby was allowed in Michael's room"


"Pretty sneaky, sis."


"... eyes and ears and funny noses, and hands you can bend in so many poses..."


"... get the most marbles for your hippo..."


"... great rewards await you."

Ron Popeil: American Icon

From wikipedia:
Ronald M. Popeil (born May 3, 1935 in New York City) is an inventor and marketing personality, best known for his direct response marketing company Ronco. He is well known for his appearances in infomercials for the Showtime Rotisserie ("Set it, and forget it!") and for using Ed Valenti's (Ginsu knife creator) famous lines, "But wait, there's more!" and "Now how much would you pay?" Each phrase followed the addition of another item or feature to the catalog of a product's advantages or attachments. The advertisements frequently answered the "how much?" question with potential prices, followed by the dramatically lower actual price, which was also a Valenti creation.

To this day I still want one of those showtime rotisserie ovens, especially with only four easy payments...


Maybe I'll cook some marlin I catch with this...


Dice up my veggies with the chop-o-matic (courtesy of Ron's dad)...


Entertain my guests with some smooth vocals...


And have those chilled martinis ready...


Here's some great editing of Ron's other-wordly knife set...


And the funniest spoof of infomercials ever...

Great Monologues

Unfortunately I already posted that classic clip from Network, but I still have a number of favorite monologues (or in some cases, close to monologues... at least they are dominated by one character). Per usual, they run the full range.

Roger Dodger -- "Staving Off Obsolesence"


Terrance Mann -- "People Will Come, Ray"


Spalding Gray -- "Swimming to Cambodia"


George Carlin -- "Modern Man"


Neil Page -- "Everything is not an anecdote!"


Linus -- "The Meaning of Christmas, Charlie Brown"

Who says life isn't choreographed?

I keep waiting for the moment when life erupts into a chorus of song and a rhythm of well-timed dance moves.

My senior prom would have looked like this...


Or maybe this...


I'd find love this way...


Go off to Bollywood for moments like this...


And even enjoy jury duty so much more...

Something a bit more serious... and beautiful

The Lost Art of Infomercials

I've often dreamed of writing the great American novel in which the main character was a screenwriter for infomercials (true story!). Here are just a few of my all-time favorites.

The Magic Bullet


Spray-On Hair


Tom Vu's Profit Seminar


The Ginsu Knife

The Bit Characters of Seinfeld

While the chemistry between Jerry, George, Kramer and Elaine is a thing of beauty, some of my all-time favorite Seinfeld moments revolve around the bit characters. I'll do a separate post on Jerry's parents (and George's could have an entire blog devoted to them!), and I've yet to locate a clip on the infamous "doorman", but here are a few of the folks who made me laugh.

The best ever -- Mr. Bookman, library cop


Jack Klompus -- sponge cake, $19.45 and the pen


Izzy Mandelbaum -- "It's go time!"


Alton Benes -- "They blew his brains out all over the Pacific."


Marisa Tomei -- "Have I told you how much I love you today?"


The Mohel -- "Deep, deep into the shag..."


Mel Torme -- "...The whole world smiles with you."


The most overrated -- The Soup Nazi